Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - October 19, 1995, Winnipeg, Manitoba A o Winnipeg free press october 1995 the health Page the Road to happiness intimacy gives life meaning experts intimacy i connect not always or an interaction Between people characterise by Trust and Mutual intimacy in an essential part of adult Tove and can help us create a Safe Haven from lifes develop a positive and evolving sense of fulfil needs for companion caring and sexual con create a secure family life with a trusted the pathways to intimacy Are identifying negative interaction patterns that isolate you and your and prevent accepting the risk of telling your partner your hurts and your wants and working hard Aires ording with empathy to understanding that its prob ably your presence that not your finding a therapist to help you when you or your partner feel the relationship is in Dis by Bruce Owen staff reporter he first saw signs soon after his second son was when he went Back to work at a Large investment he found himself suddenly promoted to a position where he supervised a Small instead of sit Ting alone at a desk doing his own he now has to make sure everyone else is doing theirs and Light fires under those who everyone problems Are he admits its but he brings Home More that the Bright its also a Chance to move up the corporate its a bigger time he finds himself bringing Home so theres Little time to play with or read to or Bathe the when he everything is almost a he knows his wife needs a break now and but so does he cant remember the last time he watched David letter Man without falling asleep on the he cant remember get Ting a full nights sleep without the kids waking he cant remember the last time he was alone with his he cant remember the last time a clock or wife and Job didst Rule his such Are the pressures of a modern he Grin and Bear to the the social psychologists and so his Case reflects what can be called the malady of the something experienced by just about every one caught up in the rat its the stress of not having time to play and be close to the people who its the stress of having All these people around but not being Able to interact or be Beverley an associate professor at the University of said whats happened is that the pressures of the work place Job rationalization and the changing face of the modern family unit have complicated Peoples lives to a Point where Many have lost our human in not sure we suddenly dont know How to be Fehr its just that the need is there More than in the this Lack of Contact with loved ones and close this inti mate Contact where we share our Hopes and makes our lives even More if not More a lot of research indicates that its these relationships that give life says who has recently finished an academic study on the life cycles of Friend the primary sources of Joy in our lives Are our and psychologist Deb Bie say without these relationships and being intimate intimacy Doest mean but sharing inner most feelings we build barriers in our lives that compounds the stress of work and family without being Able to talk to someone we and get Ting things off our some of us become withdrawn while others become this added stress causes More serious health problems in the Long like heart and emotional in the Long run it does dam Whitney having that communication with people is something we need because it makes us feel it makes us laugh and feel Good about our Fehr adds research shows that people with Good relationships with spouses and friends have bet Ter mental fewer stress related like heart largest capacity Washer dryer pair in North America unique up swept design makes cleaning easier armo guard Protection on the top and lid Auto balance suspension system super capacity gentle Power agitator adapts to clothes Load self cleaning up front lint filter exclusive steel drive transmission be quiet Washer with the new Auto balance system be engineers have eliminated the Transfer of Energy to the floor and with it the out of balance the Wash motor and transmission Are suspended from the top of the Washer and Are designed to operate on Wood floors this floating system is totally different from any competing brands Quick clean controls cleanup in seconds electronic sensor drying system extra wide port for easy loading capacity drum size Interior protects clothes Interior Light turns on automatically larger upfront lint filter reversible swing dryer door Ges new electronic sensor dry system the systems sensors actually touch the clothes and Stop the heating Cycle As soon As the clothes have reached the selected this dries the clothes More evenly and in less time than Ever be laundry the Leader in capacity performance dependability quiet now it hero Duckory prices Lockport Joe free press Fehr says Many people have forgotten How to be and also seem to recover better and faster from you actually live Fehr she Points to a Chicago study that put pagers on its participants and had researchers Call these people at asking them what they were doing and How they were these people replied they were happiest when they with their married people said they were happiest when they were out with their friends and Whitney says to recapture inti mate moments with spouses and we have to be More will ing to seeing things from other Peoples perspectives too often its my Way or the without real izing its two Way weve got to be willing to talk about our thoughts and feelings and encourage others to she for married couples communication is even More without verbal give and marriages in Many a marriage counsellor or therapist can help repair those lines of we dont share one so its critical we make our communication Whitney Fehr adds the process of becoming intimate with someone is a Mutual where both people reveal a Little about themselves Over a period of by taking and revealing a Little bit at a it allows both people to build up a level of too much too soon like telling someone youre sit Ting next to on a plane everything about your life Doest Lead to Long the people we choose to be our and our Are peo ple we naturally or instinctively gravitate towards because we share a common View of the we laugh at the same things and participate in the same people Lead lives that Are very full and Fehr its important we make the time to be alone with our spouses and friends so we spend time Ogeth its important we seize those Remote car starters Hornet 850 Remote car starter on Button Remote m 4 works with Auto fuel 9 m a injected vehicles w installed Python Remote car starter 2button Remote optional keyless starter for most fuel injected Model my w w installed car audio decks combos digital tuner separate Bass treble Pioneer cassette deck Jevc deck 69 face Power controls Alpine cd changer system 6 disc Cartri wireless Remote and Hooks up to any pm 6969 Henderson my phone 7572261 or 2842804 Ink Quaty it Cyronics off Flut editor Gerald 6977231 email having fun int easy for All one of the most important discoveries i have made As a clinical psychologist is that my patients Are not Hay ing they experience anti and but report their lives Are unfulfilling most import no at a 1993 i asked mental health professionals to fill out a questionnaire to Mea sure How much fun they were it asked simple questions such compared to others your age do you have More fun or less fun i was most of the professionals also reported that they had Little fun in their i asked the same questions of friends and i got the same that struck me As men Tal health workers Are Good at relieving emotional but is that Good enough Are we improving the positive Side of lives several students and i decided we would try to discover who was having fun and what were the features of having one of the first things we discovered was that having fun has More to do with the individual than with activities or people who had fun had different personality characteristics than did those who did not have people who reported having fun were More extroverted less neurotic emotionally and More open to new we discovered having fun is a very individual most of our fun people reported they had fun with oth but some reported having fun fun is that which produces pleasure and Usu ally involves our most recent finding is that people who have fun make it a people not having fun Are caught up in if a person wishes to have More fun they must 1 decide fun is a 2 determine what creates fun for and 3 loosen Point 1 is a fairly but difficult As it requires a change in Many of us Are conditioned to believe fun is somehow having fun Doest mean your Chil Dren or spouse need in if you decide to have More fun you Are Likely to enhance the lives of people around have you noticed the people you most like to be around Are capable of enjoying themselves Point 2 simply requires that you do an inventory of things and events that you either previously enjoyed or think you might enjoy and give them a this represents behavioural experiments some things you try wont be but others even experimentation can be loosen up to have fun you must be willing to try new things or go with the some years ago my wife and several couples started getting bored with our weekly dinners at each others it was suggested we each plan an evening without telling the oth ers what we were going to we had great one night we went on a late fall evening picnic to watch the Northern on another we went to an indoor Archery there was at least one person each night who was a bit of a pain until they loosened having fun or not is up to it is your i suggest that you choose there is Good evidence that people who derive pleasure out of life live longer and enjoy life Rob Norton is a professor of psychology at the University of Winnipeg and a partner in the stress and anxiety prescriptions is a weekly column open to All healthcare professionals in to Call editor Gerald flood at ;