Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - July 6, 1997, Winnipeg, Manitoba Job demands compete with Sophie left and Rachel for John Douglas a time. Illustration by Wayne Glowacki Winnipeg Tref press changing roles responsibilities turn up pressure on men by Bill Redekop staff reporter Oney comes out of dads Billfold hankies come out of mom s purse. So Sang folksinger Greg Brown about moms and dads in the 1960s, on a recent Winnipeg tour. Dads were breadwinners and moms did All the rest and there was Little crossover. A my father even go and shop for groceries. He would Burn water if he tried to Cook it a says David Rice Lampert Cross cultural violence prevention coordinator for the province. Those times have changed the main reason being More women Are in the workforce. In 1996, 57.6 per cent of women Over 15 years of age participated in the labour Force versus 72.4 per cent of men according to statistics Canada. Fathers Are being required to play a bigger if not equal role in child care and household tasks social scientists and social workers say. Walk to the Park after dinner and you re Likely to see More fathers than mothers out with their children. More men Are changing diapers feeding kids putting them to bed and doing household chores say experts. A in counselling we see fathers who Are no longer just supporting players to mothers but Are Active partners in parenting a says Ray Ali marriage and family therapist with the family Centre of Winnipeg sponsored by the United Way. But change does no to come easily. Therapists say some men Are suffering from a kind of corollary to the supermom syndrome a daddy stress. A for men the traditional role of being the breadwinner and the Strong silent Type is being challenged a says Rice Lampert. A the outside world is getting More traditionally male dog eat dog aggressive no compassion. A then when you get Home who gets the break in the past my father could come Home and the Home was taken care of for him. It would be a bit of an escape for him. Now the expectation is that everyone takes Rice Lampert says the nurturing role is hard for Many men to switch to. A the cultural image is still pretty Strong to be Macho be Tough and in Ile has done workshops for Canadian armed forces officers who complained of similar role changing problems a when at Home they have difficultly shedding their role of giving orders and being in control. A my dad was a Small businessman and it was also difficult for him. At times i Felt like i was an employee a he says. Staff at the free press provide a microcosm of families struggling with child rearing in the 1990s. Reporter Bruce Owen 36, has snubbed Job promotions rather than sacrifice time with 2-year-old daughter Michelle and wife Judy a sportswriter with the Winnipeg Sun. He says the stress comes in juggling career and family duties. A at the free press there a demand to make a contribution on a daily basis to do whatever it takes however Long it takes each Day a he says. A then when you go Home As soon As you step through the door its a whole new list of with mom covering the Blue bombers often until late at night Owen spends a lot of time with Michelle. They like going to the Park and on Bike rides. A she sits in the Back and sings a he says. A a daddy give me a hug. Right that a the last thing she said to me this morning. I gave her a hug. Its something that stays with me All City editor John Douglas 37, is grappling with family in a different Way. He has been in the demanding Post of City editor less than a year and typically works 12-hour Days during the week. His weekends Are also regularly interrupted by work. A at 7 p.m., Iti be at the office and Start watching the clock because in the next hour and a half my kids will be going to bed and the kids like me to read to them before they go to sleep Quot he says. Sophie 4, will lie in bed awake until he comes Home and he once found Rachel 3, sleeping across the Stair waiting for him. A my father used to work As much As i do so its something i grew up with a Douglas says. The difference is that in his fathers time it was respected and now that Isnit necessarily so. A where he Felt Pride i now feel pressure. I think the lifestyle in a living right now is socially frowned some of the frowning comes from wife Darlene. A i know i need to put new balance in there a says Douglas. A Titi make a Point of finding things Darlene and i can do together or make a Point of playing with the kids to give her time there Speer group pressure building on men from men to play larger roles raising their kids says Carol Harvey University of Manitoba professor of family studies. A men who say they never talk to their children Are hearing from other men that that a not a Good idea a she says. A a there a pressure from society As a whole to be More men Are becoming More interested in child care she says. A a they re learning from women that this is kind of fun. Kids Are kind of but she wonders How persuasive men Are with their employers about insisting on More time with their families. A men May feel More than women do that they done to have the right to complain and work longer hours. Many people done to want to Rock the boat a she says. Therapists also warn that parents have to set aside time not just for the children but for themselves together. A couples with children put their couple life on hold and that can be therapist suggests dads he patient take a break some advice for stressed dads from Ray Ali marriage and family therapist for the family Centre of Winnipeg. A done to project. One thing dads tend to do More than moms is take isolated Misbehaviour and project what the child will be like when he or she grows up. Moms tend to be More forgiving of transgressions. A dads tend to be More concerned with what their children will be like occupation Wise when they grow up. Moms tend to want their kids to be Good human beings Foremost. Enjoy the process of child rearing without fretting too much about the final outcome. A dads get frustrated More easily. Try to be patient. Quot i was teaching my son to Cut the Lawn and he was getting it All wrong so i just said a forget it. Ill do it myself a a says Ali. Wrong. Who would you rather have teach you to drive your dad or your mom a take a break. Have some time to yourself. You done to have to be super dad or supermom All the time. A participate with children doing things in your own Comfort zone of your gifts Are sports and music that a what you should try to participate in with your children. A when there is a disagreement with a spouse Over sharing child caring and housework talk about what you agree on and work backwards. A begin talking about what you Are doing enough of and add onto that list a All says. T dangerous a says Rice Lampert. Men Are just learning to do what women have been doing All along says Lois Ross of the Canadian labour Congress. A stressed dads Are what stressed moms have always been a says Ross. A now women Are saying a hey we re going to have a child Here so lets share in the she says employers fail to allow More work flexibility for parents because the majority of them Are old school men. Rice Lampert understands the sarcasm of some women. A a it a reasonable for them to be sceptical and suspicious. But there was stress even for my father even if he did no to do much at Home. He Felt the pressure to be successful to make a living so that you feel like your feeding your family. There a a stress there. A and there a a stress to trying to be a traditional male. That a a heavy stress because How Many of us can be Arnold Schwarzenegger Young men Are trying to prove themselves constantly. You see that with teenagers and Young men. Men die younger because of that competitiveness and keeping things while parenting roles Are becoming intertwined men still get involved in More physical activities with kids. A fathers still tend to involve in Large muscle activities like play fighting and gym stuff going to the Park a says Ali. A mothers do More of the Fine motor skill stuff like drawing and helping out with he wonders How the trend will change custody landings in the future. A the Law always assumed the Best interest for children was to live with mom. That May not necessarily be True to years from Rice Lampert rejects the nostalgia that defined gender roles of the past generation made for less complicated times. A my fear would be we go Back to really rigid gender boxes. If we go Back when it looked like a simpler time people were covering up. We weren to talking about family violence we weren to talking about abuse in the �?T40s and �?T50s, but it was happening. People did no to fit the brings Home the Impact of a father s neglect a song called father daughter dialogue Sung by Martha Wainwright to her father recording artist Loudon Wainwright Iii on his compact disc grown men Snowden music Dearest daddy with your songs do you Hope to right your wrongs you can to undo what has been done to All your daughters and your son. The facts Are in and we have found that basically you re not around. Dearest daddy try As you might Alyou Are is just uptight. You sing about a father and son when All you do from him is run. Cookie creates festival treat continued from by formerly known As the festival of nations the 10th annual event a this year featuring six International pavilions representing 17 countries a was started by a resident of the Swan Lake first nation who wanted to bring together people from the Many nationalities represented in the area and showcase their cultural heritage. A it went from there a says ram Devos a transplanted new Sealander who runs the British heritage Pavilion. Last year the two Day event which rotates Between communities in Central Manitoba this year in Somerset and St. Malo attracted some 4,000 visitors. Exotic food music costumes and mini Highland games Are the order of the Day. Still says Devos a a there a not the lineups that you get in Winnipeg for and she says they done to kick you out after an hour if the place is too full. This years gathering of nations runs july 19-20. For details Call 526-2046,836-2565, 744-2171 or 744-2478. If you want to experience cultural flavour of a different sort try Deloraine a Lukken fest a Lukken Means cookie in Belgium. The festival is an acknowledgement of the areas Large belgian population and the cookies which Are baked in a special Iron Are a necessary ingredient of any special event from Christmas to weddings. A a there a always some kind of cookie around somewhere a says Dolores Howden a festival away sesame streets cookie monster would love it Here. In the three years since the festival began the towns cookie brigade has baked 60,000 cookies some of which Are Given away to visitors As they enter the local Arena to take part in the Many events also outdoor events that Mark the annual festival. A the non belgian Community just loves them a says Howden adding the thin sugar cookies Are often shaped into Small dishes to hold ice Cream. This years festival is being held july 18-20. Call 658-3554 for information. A new addition to the festival lineup is Neepawa a first annual world Lily capital festival being held july 21-27. There will be a Lily Golf tournament Lily 500 go cart races Lily show and demonstrations and Tours of the town dressed up in a you guessed it a lilies. A it think it la grow just like the lilies a predicts Eleanor Nicholson who first pitched the idea of promoting Neepawa a already noted As the childhood Home of writer Margaret Laurence a As the world Lily capital. The town is now seeking official designation by the province. The town in Manitoba a Parkland Region Northeast of Brandon already attracts some 6,000 visitors a year who come to tour the Lily Fields of Well known grower and Lily Developer Barrie Strohman says Nicholson and the festival is a Way of keeping Lily lovers in the Community longer. For More information you can Contact Nicholson at 476-5453.delighted Danita Schmidtke travel Manitoba a manager of marketing and promotion is delighted to see this latest addition to the provinces growing list of festivals and Community events. And so she should be. Manitoba a festivals bring in big Bucks for the Economy As visitors from inside and outside the province spend Money while having a Good time. As Many As 70 per cent of visitors to the provinces festivals and country fairs Are from Manitoba. I ast year same Day visitors from the United states into Manitoba a Southwest Region a where Many of the fairs and festivals Are held a numbered 261,747. The economic Impact on the local Economy is estimated at $125 million As people spent Money on such things As food Gas souvenirs and yes rides at the festivals and fairs. That a not even counting Winnipeg a festivals such As Foi Lorama which alone generates about $10 million during its run. It All delights Schmidtke to no end. A if you can grow it Well have a festival a she says ;