Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press Sunday (Newspaper) - May 10, 1998, Winnipeg, Manitoba Sunday Magazine family Winnipeg free press sunday May 10, 1998 b3 Wayne Glowacki / Winnipeg free press happily Ever after reunited Mother and son write about their first mothers Day together on the easter weekend through a series of extraordinary circumstances Kevin Crabbe 19, was reunited with his birth Mother Darlene Gerstmar Allard who when she was 16 years old had placed her son for adoption. Since the Surprise reunion at a Winnipeg dinner club Kevin and his Mother have been catching up. Following Are their own accounts of what this mothers Day their first together Means to finds peace in 9 the Luckiest Man alive reihe Date was july 20,1979.1 Lay in # a Hospital bed holding the Beautiful Al Little boy i had Given birth to Only a few hours before. I was thinking of the Battle i had just been through. Not childbirth but the one with Hospital staff Adamant that i should not be Given this baby to hold. I was 16 years old and would be placing him for adoption. I was told that to hold him would make things harder on myself. I knew what they were afraid of. Id heard the stories of girls deciding to place children for adoption and changing their minds once they gave birth. As i gazed Down at the tiny sleeping baby in my arms i saw the Wisdom of their words. How could i possibly give this Beautiful boy away he was part of me he belonged with me. I love him with All my heart. That a when i remembered Why i was doing this. It was because i loved him. In my circumstances i had none of the things to offer him that i believed a child needed a Mother and father who would be together forever a Loving and secure Home to take him to and Many More. As All the reasons came flooding through my mind i was determined to do the right thing. I was just As determined to ignore this reality for just three Days and make the most of my Short time with him. Amidst the disapproving looks of nurses and staff i fed him bathed him changed him took pictures of him and loved him. As the time approached for us to part with my heart in my Throat i sat Down and wrote a letter to him sharing my thoughts with him and saying goodbye. Eventually i married his birth father and had other children. At each birth of my other two sons i remembered my first. Faithfully through the years i kept my picture album of him in the night table by my bed. Many times i questioned my decision to give him up. Always i knew i would see him again some Day. I had to believe that. Eighteen and a half years later out for dinner with my sons a his Brothers a he walked right Back into my life. The first words out of my Mouth were the question i had carried in my heart All my life. A were you Happy a i asked. A a in be had a wonderful life a he replied. He have answered. It was written All Over his Beautiful face and shone from those eyes i still remembered. As i watched him with his Brothers i Felt my heart swell and a Calm Settle deep within my soul. Today on mothers Day i am thankful for so Many things. For All my children for the Opportunity to reacquaint myself with Kevin and most of All for the two wonderful people his adoptive parents who have Given and continue to give Kevin the life i had always dreamed and hoped head have. For the first time since the Day i left him behind in the Hospital i can look at myself in the Mirror and say a you did what you had to do and its it really is. One truly blessed mom Darlene t a then i started working at win of in Peg a celebrations dinner w v theatre in february i knew i was extremely Lucky to have such a fun and rewarding Job. But i had no idea that working there would so profoundly affect my life. I have known since i was very Young that the parents who raised me were not the parents who gave me birth. Although i could not have asked for a More Loving family there was still a feeling of being incomplete. It really bothered me that i did no to know anything about my roots. When i was 16 years old my parents presented me with the first clue to my past a letter written to me by my birth Mother when she was 16 and had just Given birth to me. The letter answered in a heartbeat All the questions i had about Why my birth parents had Given me up. I knew then that my Mother a who took the time to write a letter to a son she May never see again even though writing that letter must have torn her heart out a was an extremely caring woman and i decided then that i wanted to meet her one Day. When i turned 18, my parents began to encourage me to Register with the adoption Agency to find my Mother. Although i really wanted to i kept putting it off because i had this misconception that it would Cost a lot of Money to search for her. In time it would become a moot Point because after All who needs an adoption Agency when you be got Fate on your Side f i found my birth Mother in celebrations on april la and she came with a pleasant Surprise two full blooded Brothers one of whom looked like my twin Lucky Guy to describe every emotion that coursed through my body within those first to minutes would fill a Small Book. But i held onto her As if she would disappear like some intangible phantom and i Savoured every nuance of every emotion. I met my father the next Day and he was everything i had dreamed he would be too. Now that in be had time to sit Down and really think about the implications of what happened i realize just How Lucky i am. Finding my birth family has Given me a new family to meet and get to know. But it also made me realize How much i love the family that cared for and nurtured me for 19 years. I View this mothers Day As More of a family Day and i want to Tell my Mother father Brothers and new family How much i am looking Forward to getting to know All of them. Most of All though i want to let my adoptive family know How much i really do love and appreciate them because even the ties of blood Are not As Strong As the ties of love. Kevin first years love nurturing will last a lifetime a mothers Loving touch. Her smile her voice her smell the Comfort and Security of her breast. From the earliest moments of life a child a senses Are imprinted with the sight sound and feel of Mother. All pretty important stuff right maybe More than we Ever knew. New research in developmental neurobiology fancy words for study of How the brain develops now shows that the nurturing a child receives during the first three years of life is critical to healthy brain development. A experiences during a baby a first Days months and years affect brain Structure which has an Impact that lasts a lifetime a says or. Fraser Mustard founder of the Canadian Institute for advanced research. Although genetics determines the Core architecture of the brain science shows that each of us is born with Only the initial connections and paths among the brains billions of neurons. It is the flood of sensory experience that we receive in the first three years of life that determines How these neurons become wired to drive our thinking and behaviour. By the age of to the brains developmental spurt draws to a close. The weakest neuronal connections Are destroyed and Only those Well established by experience Are preserved. 13, As Many As 25 per cent Are delinquent. There is Hope however. When disadvantaged children Are Given Quality preschool education Between the Ages of three and six they Are much More competent and Able to Cope with stress. In fact by the age of 27, follow up studies reveal that those Given Early intervention completed More schooling had jobs were married with families and had far fewer mental health and criminal problems including drug abuse than their unsupported Peers. In one . Study conducted in North Carolina it was shown that Early intervention in the form of preschool mathematics key cognitive functions in mathematics Are acquired Between the Ages of four and seven can significantly raise the in of disadvantaged preschool children. These children not Only did far better than Peers from similar socioeconomic circumstances not Given the intervention program they actually out performed students from a Middle class background. A during these Early years the brain is very plastic a explains or. Mustard. A if a child is provided with better circumstances during these Early years there will be considerable improvement that can be rein forced when the child enters the school now that science has shattered the nature versus nurture controversy on human behaviour and development the pressure is on for parents particularly moms to provide the kind of Loving Early environment needed to nurture a child a healthy brain development. But with More and More Canadian mothers entering the workforce this becomes easier said than done. A there have been huge changes in society that affect How people live and work a or. Mustard said in an interview. A this puts stress on All structures in society including the support the key to producing confident competent individuals is support for mothers and children in All sectors of society in the form of Good affordable Day care or Early childhood education says or. Mustard who Points out that support systems for moms who work have not developed to keep Pace with career opportunities. Husbands should be part of a working mothers support system and so should employers he adds. In response to this Challenge the Canadian Institute of child health Cicha National non profit organization dedicated to improving the health and Well being of children and youth in Canada is launching an initiative to provide parents with important information on their role in the healthy brain development of their children. In a Booklet the first years last forever Cich outlines the new brain research and what it Means for every child and includes among other things to guidelines that can help parents and other caregivers raise healthy Happy children and confident competent learners. They include a recognize that each child is unique. A be warm Loving and responsive. A respond to your child a cues and clues. A talk read arid sing to your child. A establish routines and rituals. A encourage Safe exploration and play. A make to watching selective. A use discipline As an Opportunity to teach. A choose Quality child care and stay involved. A take care of yourself. Copies of the first years last forever can be obtained from the Cich at 855 Meadowlands drive Ste. 512, Ottawa ont. K2c 512. Tel 613 224-4144 fax 613 224-4145 email internet thanks Ger Striar a Allard and softy Kevin Crabbe Kristin Jenkinss a result the brains malleability disappears and so does its ability to a a rebound from bad experiences. A adult interaction with a child during this sensitive Early period provides stimuli that influence How the brain develops and How children respond to new situations and challenges a or. Mustard said at a recent Toronto press conference on the new brain research. He adds that children who Are abused Early in life or who Are raised in abusive family environments can become highly anxious in response to stimuli and this can Lead to a abnormal Adverse behavioural responses in childhood and adult problems in other words bad kids Are made not born. Or As or. Mustard put it a theories of a genetic basis for bad behaviour Are a pile of children raised in a less than Lov ing environment can begin to have problems As Early As kindergarten. Studies show that boys from disadvantaged Homes often become antisocial at this stage and that by age ;