Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - March 18, 2001, Winnipeg, Manitoba 6977234 Winnipeg March 2001 family Magazine b3 defusing bullies if kids can learn to teasing in a different they can immunize themselves to it by Darryl Owens in the aftermath of North Ameri Cas latest spasm of school related a palpable sketch of the Youthful suspects has the profile is one which became allot familiar after Campus tragedies in towns like and the suspect is an outcast who was Ruth Lessly teased or bullied at no one is suggesting that teasing alone triggers school but Many child development experts warn that teasing is a matchstick that can ignite an angry child with a Short kids Are uncomfortable with differ if they dont like there going to lash with says Kate a licensed mental health counsellor and author of How to handle teasers and other whats happening today is that these kids who before were teased and would withdraw Are now hearing about violent options and unfortunately Are using that children taunt and bully is nothing some children Model the disrespect inherent in their Fame some tease to hide poor interpersonal but for teasing stems from a sort of pack says Leslie a paediatric Psychol kids tune into the us and the in group and the out Gavin in order to have a Strong sense of the kids Are often mean to few Ever graduate from childhood free of scars from clique most Grin and Bear the slights or land a few but the past decade reshaped the teasing dynamic kids who Are ridiculed reject the notion of taking guff off their there retaliating with the 14yearold boy accused of killing Jason in a High school two years and wound ing another was ridiculed and taunted so much at the school his Mother testified he frequently went Home in just weeks earlier that same Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold blitzed Columbine High school in detonating homemade bombs and spraying classmates and administrators with thirteen were killed and 23 wounded before the shooters committed Harris and Kle who favoured dramatic Black Trench Oats and the trappings of gothic were painted As outcasts and teased and kids at this age Are extremely sensitive to Gavin if you have that sense of injustice along with a that a disastrous Combina parents can help prevent such discs kids must be armed with weapons appropriate than uzis to deflect the often children lash out because their frustration about the teasing has been on slow they May perceive them selves As wimps and lash out the antidote to such reckless behaviour is that old says Marilyn a clinical Psychol Ogist and author of breaking the Chain of Low when bullied or those with healthy self esteem will not personal ize the comments but be Able to Evalu ate them for what they Are cruel and insensitive behaviour of a person with she those with Low self esteem personalize the behaviour because they already have doubts about their As kids believe in their own they will value others a child who has Trou kids at this ble defending him nip Era self Mav cast age Are himself As a extremely says Ava sensitive to 0 in her Book what i Motino if should i Tell the if she notes you have that that these children sense of usually have sup pressed aggression injustice along and assertion out of with a hand their own my o Early on children mat b a need to be support disastrous de to stand up for combination Par rehearsing assertive parents can if Billy finches your oreos at remember to Tell that mine in a loud or when Jane Butts in be sure to youre in my parents should teach Chil Dren no confrontational show your child How to Wield confident and appropriate body a child who drops his gaze and cowers might As Well paint a bulls Eye on his Back for teach your child to harness the Power of a round of self Dep relating Humour can defuse a potentially explosive if someone Calls your son a for your child can respond with a series of such reactions Are Likely to scuttle the some parents fathers might see such tactics As experts Call it if kids can learn to handle teasing in a different they can immunize themselves to Cohen Posey parents used to when somebody hits youre allowed to hit them you cant say that you dont know if that kid is going to come Back the next Day with an that experts should prod parents who have customarily regarded teasing As a Normal part of growing up to reconsider their per that Means parents must develop Clear rules against teasing and bully those rules should include do not bully other and try to help students who Are this helps develop empathy for which As Daniel Goleman suggests in his Book emotional is gained by coming to understand that youre not the Only person in the world with feel solving school related tragedies int As simple As spouting off a few Handy Dandy but experts say reducing the animosity that teasing and taunting builds certainly is a Posi Tive the Orlando Sentinel signs of bullying what to do possible signs of bullying i the child is frightened of walking to and from or changes his or her usual i the child does not want you to go on the school or begs you to drive them to i the child is unwilling to go to i the child claims to feel ill in the i the Childs schoolwork i the child comes Home regularly with clothes or books i the child comes Home starving bully taking lunch i the child becomes starts lacks conf i the child cries herself to has ill bullying defined i being called names i being teased i being pushed or pulled about i being hit or attacked i having backpacks and other possessions taken and thrown around i having rumours spread about you i being ignored and left out i being forced to hand Over Money or possessions i being attacked because of your religion or Colour Iii if your child is a bully i reinforce with your child the need to resolve conflict in a non aggressive ask the school principal or Counselor for information on conflict i spend positive time with your child every Day doing something your child i Monitor your Childs television limit the amount of to and Monitor the kind of pro Grams your child i make a Point of knowing where your child is and whom he or she is i encourage your child to resolve conflict in a positive manner in your i talk to your Childs teacher and school principal about the prob work together on a course of ill if you suspect your child is being bullied i ask the child often children do not wish to Tell their parents due to shame and or fear that bul lies will retaliate if they look for signs such As fear of going to Lack of miss ing belongings and torn cloth and increased fearfulness and i work with the school immediately to make sure your child is that effective consequences Are applied toward the and that monitoring at school is advocate for involvement of the bulls Par if the bullying is happening on the Way to and from arrange for the child to get to school with supportive or take him or her until other interventions can take i if your child is and lacks try to arrange for your child to participate in positive social groups which meet his or her developing your Childs special skills and conf t Dence in the context of a positive social group can be very i suggest that the school implement a comprehensive anti bul lying a Homeland school association meeting to discuss and support such an initiative can be source kids Cape us parenthood dirty Little secrets by Mary Mcnamara at closing the lights come up and the carnage is cups some overturned in Sticky pools of their former contents shredded Loose change and the Grimy film of a hard Days the music is still and its hot people struggle into their Stag Gering a and slowly move to the chill Damp of the the die the party on Friday night at Chuck and i cannot believe that this is my Ive closed Many an establishment in my reeled through countless doorways in sweaty Desasso blinking against the same pounding but usually there were substances other than Root Beer and pizza and usually the Guy who accompanied me was older than 2 it is a Milestone of the first Chuck cheese yet it is mentioned in no parenting Book i have there is no what to expect advice on How to keep track of and socks and tokens and Chil Dren who move faster than the Speed of who disappear into Ball pits and overhead no tips on How to recognize your youngsters Moo Oom Mem Meetee Over the cacophony of a Hundred other this is my major complaint of parenthood no one tells you what its really going to be everyone tells you it will change your but they really dont at least not beyond the details any Simpleton could imagine that your sleep will be inter that there will be no More Spur oath moment weekends that you cant spend All your Money on Black shoes or fishing trips its not just your life that its you and the universe around you that you find yourself saying those things i will never like in going to count to and because in the that but it goes even deeper than Here Are but a few of the More startling things parenthood has changed and revealed i commercial All those ads for laundry detergent and fabric softener make just As one never appreciates top 40 radio until the big a childless adult rarely understands the need for a product guaranteed to remove Choco grass and Ketchup while making both Whites and colours bolder and if a garment was too stained or it was simply Dis posed try disposing of a certain someones Favourite Dinosaur sweat shirt that is covered with Wel come to the world of bleaching with a i those yellow rubber remember the ones that your Mother wore the ones that symbolized the general tyranny of housework and pre feminist womanhood the ones you swore you would Ever Don its either those or dishpan i someone really needs to teach a class in parental self i have been punched in the poked in the head rammed in the stomach and generally trumped on in a manner that would not be out of place in the world wide wrestling i dont know other Peoples responses to being punched in the even by but mine is Blind i have had to hand the offending child to the nearest adult and leave the but it would be great to have a few defensive moves to prevent the i Ive always been pretty Good about waiting in i usually carried a Book at All times if i was i could entertain myself for hours by How i believe there should be Federal legislation mandating special lines for those accompanied by children under it really would be better for everyone and i would like to take this Opportunity to apologize for every Tongu clucking Gri Mace i Ever made As a childless person when standing near a bawling infant or Lollipop wielding toddler and their beleaguered in i apolo Gize for simply standing in front of i should have yielded my place in for her sanity and for the Sake of i the baby smile As she pulls her self up for the first the music of the first i love the sight of those two perfect bodies playing in the tub nothing beats nothing Ever nothing at los angelas tires ;