Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - July 27, 2006, Winnipeg, Manitoba A2 Winnipeg free press thursday july 27, 2006 Doug Speirs the boy is Back in town. I think i strongly suspect my son the itinerant Bagpiper has finally found his Way Home from Europe. I base this stunning deduction on several crucial pieces of evidence specifically 1 there is no Gas in my car 2 there is no food in my fridge 3 the Telephone is ringing off the Hook. I admit this is far from conclusive but there Are other com Pelling signs of teenage life in our basement. For example smack in the Middle of his bed there is a hideous twisted Mound of blankets that is vaguely shaped like the boy which is what we Call him. Get up i have been pleading with the Mound for the last few mornings. the Mound mutters Back. Wakey wakey i say in a cheerful sing song voice As i prod at the Mound with a pointed stick. it angrily replies. Us of i think i smell smoke i venture. This ruse barely merits a reply from the Mound. Gak it croaks. Cleverly i take a More insidious tact. Ohm goodness that girl is wearing a very Small Bikini i gasp looking out his window in feigned Surprise. At this the Mound emits a few snorts but apparently sees through my Subtle attempt at subterfuge. My Point ? and i am quite sure that i have one ? is the boy although i technically Haven to seen him yet has apparently returned safely from overseas. He his Girlfriend and six other friends spent a couple of months visiting about 10 countries and taking in two world cup soccer games. The most compelling evidence of the prodigal sons return is the fact my wife has finally gone to sleep after two months of pacing the floor and pounding Back late night lattes. Also she no longer answers the phone by frantically Yelling at the top of her lungs ohm gawd he a alive he a alive but she is not the Only one Over the Moon because the boy is Back in the basement. Our secondary dog ? Zoe the miniature Dachshund ? has been demonstrating her High level of Delight by doing the Peewee of Joy on the carpet. Anyway i am told that not Only has my son returned he has also found gainful employment at the huge new Rona outlet on Kenaston Boulevard. My wife is thrilled by this development because it Means the boy will soon get a huge discount on Home repair and Lawn maintenance equipment. I am less thrilled. Because it Means the boy will soon get a huge discount on Home repair and Lawn maintenance equip ment. I fear this is going to have a serious Impact on my ability to lie on the Couch and not become involved with Home repair and Lawn maintenance. Still i was eager to see the boy at work so my wife and i gleefully attended tuesdays grand opening of the new Rona which is Only slightly smaller than Saskatoon. I did to track Down my son but i did stumble on something almost As amazing ? a Barbecue that ? i swear this is True ? is approximately 11 feet wide. We re talking a steroid enhanced unit on which i could ? and i a not saying i want to do this ? Grill my entire body and still have room for several dozen hotdogs and burgers. Wow i said As i joined a throng of male shoppers ogling this oversized Grill. Sir you re going to have to move on a clerk politely told me. Wow i said. Please sir you re not allowed to drool on the Barbe cues anyway if you happen to stumble across my son Tell him i said hell be the one mumbling incoherently under the blankets in aisle 6. At least i think that a him. treat its mental and physical damage. A12 entertainment healthy Art Art beat studio is a refreshing program gives mentally ill work experience and builds self esteem. / d5 sports mid am dominance Breezy bends Garth Collings continued his dominance of the Manitoba mid Amateur Golf championship with an 11-shot Victory yesterday. / c1 Devil of a Deal the new Jersey devils who Are on the verge of going Over the Nils salary Cap will have to make some trades after an arbitration ruling awarded a $5-Mil?Lion contract to Star Centre Scott Gomez. / c4 ten years later after a new trial. / a8 Donovan Bailey made olympic world history with his record breaking dash in the 100 metres at the Mother found insane science 1996 Atlanta olympics. Today his a Texas woman previously con Only regret was that the Gold net ill effects medal performance could have been faster. / c5victed of murder for drowning her children has been found not internet addiction is on the guilty by reason of insanity increase say the people who City obstacle removed the City and province have worked out a Deal to extend Kenaston Boulevard from Bishop Grandin to the perimeter removing the final obstacle in the Way of Waverley West. / b1 Driskell blame game City police Manitoba Justice Point fingers Over important information James Driskell a lawyer never saw. / b3 province resourceful mountie ramp officer saves himself and collection of evidence from Burn ing Cruiser. / a6 Canada link to Avro Arrow Dies the Man who oversaw flight operations for the revolutionary but ill fated Avro Arrow has died. A memorial service will be held today in Toronto for Don Rogers who died of cancer last week at the age of 89. / a7 top news a3 Lebanon a4,5 Manitoba a6 Canada a7 world a8 letters to the editor a9 View from the West a10,11 science a12 City b1 business b8 sports c1 family notices c7 classified c8 Jumble c11 entertainment d1 movies d2 fringe festival d3,4 to d6 ask Rhona d7 Horoscope d7 comics d8 diversions d9 weather d10. Columnists Lindor Reynolds a3 Gordon Sinclair or. B2 Morley Walker d1,6 Lorne Roberts d5 deaths Alcantara Guillermo emong87. Ambrosen a Paquett emary wife of Greg. Cole Nee tee Dthelma 83. Dickson Mel. Erickson Ernest 74, husband of Jeannette. Heidrick be Pilous Emma pm widow of Bill. Mcintyre Dorothy Kathleen widow of Bill. Of Bryan Elizabeth Betty. Smith Barbara 65, of Selkirk. . Classified death notices c7 lotteries in the event of a discrepancy Between this list and the offi Cial winning numbers the lat Ter shall prevail. Pick 3 winning number yesterday was 647. Extra winning number yesterday for top prize of $250,000 was 3574927. Lotto 6/49 winning numbers yesterday for the estimated Jackpot of $4,000,000 were 3, 7, 15, 38, 43, 47. The Bonus number was 32. Western 6/49 winning numbers yesterday were 3, 9, 17, 20, 21, 29. The Bonus number was 1. Our mistake Money paid to witnesses who testified against James Driskell in connection with the Perry Dean harder murder Case was provided by Manitoba jus Tice. Incorrect information appeared in tuesdays paper. How to reach us Winnipeg free press 1355 Mountain Avenue Winnipeg Manitoba r2x 3b6 switchboard 697-7000 privacy policy & questions of privacy Reader service City delivery 697-7001 advertising classified Mon Fri 697-7100 obituaries 7 Days 697-7384 display 697-7122 editorial newsroom 697-7230 newsroom fax 697-7412 photo desk 697-7304 sports desk 697-7285 entertainment 697-7546 business news 697-7292 Reader feedback 697-7293 City desk letters to the editor . 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