Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - August 24, 2006, Winnipeg, Manitoba A2 Winnipeg free press thursday August 24, 2006 Doug Speirs Back to work special the sequel c All the Neighbours and Wake up the kids its time for the dramatic conclusion of a two part special report on my summer vacation from hell. In my last column i described How i cleverly began my Holiday by spending six stomach churning Days on the Couch battling the Martian death flu. And As you no doubt have already guessed things did to get much better from there. After dragging my weakened carcass off the Couch i Dis covered my backyard had become infested with mutant killer wasps the size of canned hams. To be precise this discovery was made by our main dog Cooper an 80-Pound Basset hound with approximately three functioning brain cells. Cooper was baking in the afternoon Sun when he suddenly let out a yelp and began darting around the Yard As though he a been zapped with an electric cattle prod. Faced with a vicious swarm of stinging insects i did what any self respecting husband would ? i ran into the House and told my wife to get rid of them. What you need to understand Here is that at my House we follow the strict division of labour that has existed since Early Caveman Days. Under this my wife is responsible for wasps and anything with More than eight legs whereas i Deal with mice Birds telemarketers and lawyers. Anyway my wife began her attack with homemade Wasp traps lovingly crafted from empty two litre plastic pop bottles which she refilled with Beer. In theory the wasps smell the Beer Fly into the traps and drown with smiles on their tiny Wasp faces. In reality they drink the Beer Tell each other off Colour Wasp jokes then Buzz around the Yard in a Drunken stupor bumping into startled homeowners. As much fun As the wasps were the real High Point of the vacation came when my wife a family gathered at the Lake to disperse her late fathers ashes. All the relatives were Given key roles for this solemn Send off. My son the Bagpiper for example was assigned to play a scottish lament for his Grandfather a famously Cranky norwegian. What you want me to i asked my wife. You should go golfing she replied. Why i dared to ask. Because that a what my dad would have wanted she politely explained. Later Over a cold Beer at the cottage i gently asked my brother in Law a High powered . Lawyer How the ceremony had turned out. We Learned a very important lesson he sighed. What was that i asked in hushed tones. You should never try to dispose of someone sashes on a Windy Day noticing the look of Shock on my face he quickly added but he was like that ? he loved getting in Peoples faces i suspect you la understand that after a Long drive Home no one was in the mood to Cook dinner. Sensing a Chance to finally be helpful i jumped in the car and motored to the nearest pizza joint. I need a couple of Large pizzas i told the Guy behind the counter. Sorry we re out of Large he frowned. No problem i chirped. Ill take three at this he conferred briefly with a co worker. Nope he said a moment later we Don to have any mediums so i said basically you re saying you Don to have any pizza at sorry he muttered As i drifted away empty handed. So All in All i a not that disappointed to be Back at work. But i think our next Holiday will be in Italy. I hear they have Yards of pizza. And surprisingly few wasps. Manitoba pastor makes his Point leave the kids in Winkler alone to Pray in their classrooms in peace the pastor of Winkler mennonite Church urged the Manitoba human rights com Mission yesterday. / a5 Canada big bad cat a Young boy who survived a Cougar attack while on a family camping trip on Vancouver Island is mad at the big cat his father said yesterday. / a6 world generous Friend mourned friends and family of the latest Soldier killed in Afghanistan Are mourning the loss of a generous Friend they said died doing a Job he loved and believed in. / a5 film rights offered John Mark karrs relatives offered up Book and film rights to the family a Story yesterday in Hopes of raising Money for a High powered lawyer to defend Karr against charges he killed six year old Jon Benet Ramsey. / a8 City Road repairs Early thanks to a warm dry summer Road repairs Are ahead of sched ule throughout the City. / b1 compensation comes up Short a Winnipeg golfer wants to warn flyers that airlines compensation for lost Luggage leaves customers holding the bag. / b4 Nastiuk Nick 77, of Edmonton a widower of Betty. Pappas Esther Frances 83. Proctor be Bryan mar Garet May 81. Schroeder Arnold husband of Doreen. Schroeder Doreen wife of Arnold. Splett Kle Leonard Ray mond. Teetaert Charles d., husband of Ethel. Welsh Esther. . Classified death notices c7 lotteries in the event of a discrepancy Between this list and the official winning numbers the latter shall prevail. Pick 3 winning number yesterday was 930. Extra winning number yesterday for top prize of $250,000 was 5895421. Lotto 6/49 winning numbers yesterday for the estimated Jackpot of $4,000,000 were 4, 7, 16, 23, 27, 39. The Bonus number was 3. Western 6/49 winning numbers yesterday were 8, 9, 17, 22, 29, 42. The Bonus number was 36. How to reach us Winnipeg free press 1355 Mountain Avenue Winnipeg Manitoba r2x 3b6 switchboard 697-7000 privacy policy & questions of privacy Reader service City delivery 697-7001 advertising classified Mon Fri 697-7100 All about the a the Winnipeg Blue bombers much vaunted defensive corps knows there can to be any More of their recent missteps if they re going to beat Damon Allen and his Toronto argonauts tomorrow. / c3 the provincial government yesterday urged Manitoban to give the controversial new president of the Canadian medical association a Chance. The new president or. Brian Day owns a private clinic. A festival to raise Money and awareness for Winnipeg a refugees will be held at old mar Ket Square on saturday. There will be music movies and food. Ken Waddell a former mayor of Neepawa has become the second High profile candidate vying for the tory nomination in the Riding of Ste. Rose. De Stroeder the out going Reeve of the pm of West Bourne also wants the Job. A $3.4 million Federal provincial study will examine flooding in the Fisher River watershed which includes flood hit communities like Fisher Branch and pegu is first nation. Obituaries 7 Days 697-7384 display 697-7122 top news Canada letters to the editor View from the West City business family notices classified Jumble weather sports entertainment to ask Rhona Horoscope movies comics diversions. Columnists Harry Reid Greg Harris Michael Madigan Bob Bergen a3,4,5 a6,7,8 a9 a10,11 b1,2,3,4 b7,8,9 c7 c8 c11 b10 c1 a10 a10 a10 a11 Oscar Lathlin a11 Gordon Sinclair or. B1 Lorne Roberts deaths Beaton Clifford a., 63, of mat lock husband of Shannon. Cook be Jacobson Dolly. Doubleday Raymond 66. Finnbogason . Bill 83. Foxford Florence May widow of a. Colston foxy. Giesbrecht be Gooss Enrose 76, of Whitemouth wife of Daniel. Hatcher Mary Eleanor 86. Herbert John Jack Denys 48. Jack William 96, husband of Teena. Lavallee be Duc Armestella Marie 65, wife of Alfred. Mahara William Paul 74. Marchildon Marcel Hector 80, widower of Simone. Mctaggart Joyce wife of Jerry. editorial newsroom 697-7230 newsroom fax 697-7412 photo desk 697-7304 sports desk 697-7285 entertainment 697-7546 business news 697-7264 Reader feedback 697-7293 City desk letters to the editor . Photo reprints to order reprints 697-7063 to subscribe Call 697-7001 outside Winnipeg 1-800-542-8900 Canada Post sales agreement no. 0563595 recycled newsprint is used in the production of this newspaper. Please Recycle ;