Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - November 2, 2006, Winnipeg, Manitoba A2 Winnipeg free press thursday november 2, 2006 Doug Speirs where there a smoke there a probably me a s a respected social commentator and outstanding local celebrity i am frequently invited to gala Charity dinners. I feel a Strong moral obligation to attend these functions in a sincere and humanitarian Effort to consume As Many free meals As possible. I attended just such a Soiree last weekend an extremely fashionable affair held to raise funds for the rehabilitation Centre for children foundation. I Don to mean to brag but there was definitely something special in the air that night by which i mean a great Deal of smoke. Let me just say i realized it was going to be a truly magical evening right around the time our table burst into flames. Of technically speaking it want the entire table that caught fire. Still nothing seems to capture the attention of people in evening Wear and Cut Short a keynote speaker like a bread Bas Ket that is suddenly transformed into a towering inferno. Now i know exactly what you Are thinking Here. You Are thinking Doug once again you Are exaggerating and or out right lying in an Effort to Delight us with your comical and totally fact free Hij inks to prove i am being truthful ? and to stretch this column to about 800 words ? i conducted the following hard hitting interview with our medical reporter Jen Skerritt. Me Jen you were sitting at the table when the Basket of bread and dinner Rolls suddenly ? and without warning ? burst into flames were you not Jen me so i am definitely not making up this terrifying Inci Dent for the amusement of others Jen me and As our medical reporter it is Safe to say you Are a stickler for the truth Jen absolutely me excellent perhaps you could Tell us what a Stickle is Jen ?.?? but it is Safe to say that is not my Point. My Point is that no one seems to know who cleverly placed the bread Basket on top of a lit Candle. What i do know is that the men and women seated at our table responded to the burning baked goods in dramatically different fashions. The men for example instantly realized crowd control is essential in potentially hazardous situations such As this. That a Why our Friend Tony immediately jumped to his feet and adopting a British accent casually informed the Well dressed crowd there a nothing to see Here we re just having a Little Barbecue and a powerful editor sitting next to me whom i will not identify because i do not wish to have my legs broken wittily chimed in please remain Calm we re just making a Little i bravely did nothing except think to myself this could make a Good column. Assuming none of us is on the other hand the women ? and you Are going to find this hard to believe ? apparently did not see this As an Occa Sion requiring Humour. They largely confined their efforts to putting the fire out which they attempted to do by employing the following two step technique 1 passing the flaming Basket Back and Forth while simultaneously Yelling oooo ooh oooo ooh 2 fanning the flames with their dinner napkins. Important safety note if you find yourself in this situation fanning burning buns apparently just makes things worse. Who knew you will be glad to hear the Brave women at our table were eventually Able to bring the bread Blaze under control. As Best i can Tell they did this by giving the bread Basket really angry looks pursing their lips and making this loud spit Ting sound Phoh Heht Phoh Heht anyway i a looking Forward to the next Charity dinner but i be decided to go on a Low carb diet. I be heard bread can kill you. Manitoba patient precaution seven Oaks general Hospital moved More than a dozen patients out of its emergency Ward wednesday after a Man who drank malathion was admit Ted for treatment. / a6 stomach virus sweeps City an outbreak of a highly infectious stomach virus is spreading across the City forcing some Winni Eggers to lose their lunches and stay Home in bed. / a6 City Driskell inquiry ends James Driskell heaved a Small sigh of Relief wednesday As the hearing into his wrongful 1991 murder conviction ended. / b3 ing the Grey cups trailer Park birth control shortage arts and life breakfast. / d2 a looming shortage of two popu trailer boys comin Lar brands of birth control pills sports May leave some Winnipeg Randy and or. Lahey of Cable women scrambling. / b4 television series trailer Park grappling goalies boys will be serving up grub Dur family notices classified Jumble weather entertainment to ask Rhona Horoscope movies comics diversions. Columnists Livio Dimatteo Penni Mitchell Dennis Rice Harold Buchwald Don Sandberg Hitender Sareen Lindor Reynolds Kevin Prokosh c11 widow of Bud. c12 harder Walter. c15 Karpun Maria 84. b12 Keeler William bill51, Hus d1 band of Shari. d4 Leyandre Curtis Harvey 63, d6 of Fairford my. d3 Marchuk John 73. d5 Maruca Joseph papa Joe. d10 Mcdonald Joy Dorothy Ellen d11 84, widow of Jack. Philipovich Marion widow of William. Russell Denny. A14 Schlichter Willi husband of a14 Ursula. a14 Sember be sow Veronica a15 Verna 75, wife of John. a15 Sinclair Helen. a15 Streib Robert. b2 Sumner Farine Angus Matthew d3 30. Vandenberg be Morriso Gwenda Margaret. Wade Jean Anne. . Classified death notices c10 lotteries in the event of a discrepancy Between this list and the official winning numbers the latter shall prevail. Pick 3 winning number yesterday was 883. Extra winning number yesterday for top prize of $250,000 was 3298607. Lotto 6/49 winning numbers yesterday for the estimated Jackpot of $15,000,000 were 2, 18, 24, 25, 30, 40. The Bonus number was 45. Western 6/49 winning numbers yesterday were 4, 7, 13, 26, 30, 49. The Bonus number was 11. Our mistake Barley is the third largest crop grown on the Prairies when measured in harvested Florida panthers de Belfour and Alex Auld Arent Only fighting for the starters Job. Reports say they were in a scuffle at a hotel. / c2 top news a3 Manitoba a6 Canada a8,10 world a11,12 letters to the editor a13 View from the West a14,15 health b6,7 City b1,2,3,4,5 business b8,9,10,11 sports c1 Lorne Roberts Gwenda Nemerofsky d5 d6 deaths Delorme Leona 50. Donald Frank Edward 76. Fairbairn Jim. Finken Hans h., husband of Trude. Fisher Donald Robert 84. Glassman Lewis Samuel. Hanson be pinkos Mary acres. Incorrect information appeared in wednesdays business Section. A photograph accompanying a Story about a new drug treatment Centre on Mayfair Avenue showed the River Avenue co operative Day Nursery at 175 Mayfair not the treatment Centre which is located in a separate build ing at 159 Mayfair. Kerry Tennyck is a military trained physicians assistant. Plans for a clinical assistant training program at the University of Manitoba for fall 2007 have not been formally approved. Incorrect information was Given to the free press tuesday. How to reach us Winnipeg free press 1355 Mountain Avenue Winnipeg Manitoba r2x 3b6 switchboard 697-7000 privacy policy & questions of privacy Reader service City delivery 697-7001 advertising classified Mon Fri 697-7100 obituaries 7 Days 697-7384 display 697-7122 editorial newsroom 697-7230 newsroom fax 697-7412 photo desk 697-7304 sports desk 697-7285 entertainment 697-7546 business news 697-7264 Reader feedback 697-7293 City desk letters to the editor . 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