Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - January 8, 2009, Winnipeg, Manitoba C m y k Page a2 a 2 Winnipeg free press thursday january 8, 2009 Winnipeg repress. Com shoulder pain cant sleep on your Side pain when reaching up or behind limited Range of motion dont temporarily mask the pain. Get rid of the injury forever � corp. Call Lase health � solutions today covered under Massage therapy insurance benefits with direct Billing available. 204 255 7779 437 st. Anness Road wow. . Com Call 6 9 7 7 0 0 1 1 800 542 8900 Home delivery i do not wish to sound Overly judgmental but it has come to my attention once again that unlike myself a great Many of you Are completely ignorant about the latest trends in fashion politics sports and life in general. If you want your friends and coworkers to think you Are with it and a happening person this year you Are going to need a carefully written thoughtful unbiased column that provides solid information to get you up to Date on whats hot and whats not for 2009. Well guess what you Are totally out of Luck. What i can do for you however is offer my annual guide to whats in and whats out written from the perspective of someone who even if terrorists Are pointing guns directly at his head refuses to get off the Couch in his Den. The clock is ticking and you Arentt getting any cooler so lets get started. Out having Money. In having a visa Bill larger than the Gross National debt of Peru. Because Trust me this is what All the Cool kids Are doing this year. At least you wont have to waste any time worrying about How your Stock portfolio is doing because you no longer have a bad word Stock portfolio. A a a Isnit the new Economy just great i mean now when were not Busy rooting under our sofa cushions for Loose change we can make fun of Rich people for being hopelessly out of style. Sweet he out Gigantic pants. In Plain old pants. Because yes Young people ism talking to you. You think you look Tough and intimidating because you Are wearing enormous pants Gigantic baggy pants the size of a circus tent pants that could easily fit an entire Street gang at the same time and still have enough room left Over to cover a major household appliance. This has been going on Long enough Young people whenever i go out i am confronted by hordes of dour looking teens shuffling along like elderly gangsters because the Crotch on their baggy pants is dangling somewhere around their Ankles. This is not a menacing look Young people. In fact i am comforted by the fact that i could make fun of your pants and stroll away unharmed before you could even get up to waddling Speed. If you want us to think you Are really Tough try wearing a pair of super snug Capri pants. Hey no one would mess with someone who had the guts to go outside in a pair of those. Ism just saying. Out Winter. In summer. Because duh out elections. In doing nothing. Because wow was that last Federal election exciting or what of wait a minute it a snot. And maybe we can do it All Over again soon. Isnit democracy wonderful its kind of like a huge game of musical chairs except nobody Ever loses their seat heres an idea Why dont we just take $ 200 million or whatever an election costs these Days pile it up in front of parliament Hill douse it with imported rum which is cheaper than gasoline then set it on fire. Like an election it Lead to any meaningful change but at least it would help keep us warm for a few minutes. Plus we could roast weenies and Toast marshmallows. Now thatus change we can get behind. Out Over the top tim Horton to commercials. In just drinking Coffee. Because you know the ads ism talking about Here the ones that play real emotional background music and try to make us feel real proud about being Canadian its about beginnings its about endings its about up its about Down its about Sweet its about sour. Well How about an and that just said hey its about Coffee. Plus we have doughnuts but the lines Are real bad word Long so Yourd better get Here Early out people saying it is what it is. In just shutting up for once. Because give me a break do you really think this makes you sound insightful Tell you what Well think you re insightful when for once you can Tell us it is what it Isnit. Then Well pay attention. And while were at it please Stop saying thatus How i Roll. We dont care How you Roll ism just saying. Of yeah and Stop saying that last thing too. Thanks out throwing a fit. In throwing shoes. Because admit it you thought it was pretty darn Cool when that iraqi Guy Flung his footwear at George w. Bush. Sure he did not hit him but it was the thought that counts. The Only sad thing is that this trend cant really continue in 2009 because Bush is about As out As out can get. And maybe thatus a Good thing. As regular Reader al Shell Points out none of us will feel Safe again if Iraq develops a Long Range Loafer. Out Wii fit. In we fat because gee just what the world needed a video game system that lets fat Guys and senior citizens get in on the digital fun. Whats next a video game that helps us do our taxes a game where we can sit around in cyberspace and discuss pension Reform think of the excitement. Does the world really need this no it needs a Greasy Bacon double cheeseburger. And it needs it right now out pointless columns about whats in and whats out from writers contractually obligated to provide them. In doing whatever you want. Because Why because i bad word said so Are you questioning me Fine ill talk to you in 2010, because you Are so oooo out this year Doug. Speirs free press. My. Ca huge debt in. Big pants out. Winter soon out blogs Winnipeg repress. Com Tom Canada / Max Johnson / Nick Martin / Mike Mcintyre / Demetra Hadidiacos / Mia Rabson / Brad Oswald Lindor Reynolds / Milt Stegall / Mary Agnes Welch / John White / Brian Huycke top news a 3,4,5 Manitoba a 6 Canada a 8 world a 9,12 letters to the editor a 10 View from the West a 11 City b 1 business b 3 weather b 6 sports c 1 family notices c 7 classified c 10 Jumble c 11 entertainment d 1 ask Rhona d 2 movies d 2 comics d 4 to d 6 Horoscope d 6 diversions d 6. Columnists Lindor Reynolds a 6 Robert Alison a 11 Nicholas Hirst a 11 Martin Cash b 3 Chris Cariou c 1 tim Campbell c 1 Gwenda Nemerofsky d 3 deaths brom Mervyn. Buckle Helen. Burlan William Bill Ray. Chartrand Brian Bruce. Clemen Trita. Davis Tom. Dug Salice. Fjeldsted Fjola Anna. Gente Marcelle Granger. Giesbrecht Violet. Greenaway William Bill Gordon. Hannabach John. Holtman Roberts Irene Mae. Jamieson Hossack Marion Grace. Johnson Lillian Gudny. Johnston Olive Pearl. Komu Joseph Henry. Kru Kedward. Leslie William Stout. Macinnes Margery Baker. Mayche Revelyn Ann. Milla Lydia. Mohamme Nizam Udeen Naz. Morrow Nee Cearn Gwenyth Leona. Murray Rehil Bertha Eleanor. Noste Tthomas. Parisie Victoria. Payn Barbara Ellen. Penne Jack. Reid Leonard. Rempe John. Rudd Edward Raymond. Seifel Jessie. Suda Milan. Taylor Arnold Ewart. Thoms Nee Habe Kedith Irmgard. Tole Nee Orr Helen Kathleen. Ward Irene Annie. Wie Smaria. Yalun Ricky s. Classified death notices c 7 lotteries in the event of a discrepancy Between this list and the official winning numbers the latter shall prevail. Pick 3 winning number wednesday was 860. Extra winning number wednesday for the main prize of $ 250,000 was 3342651. Lotto 6/ 49 winning numbers wednesday were 10, 13, 19, 35, 39 and 41. The Bonus number was 4. Western 6/ 49 winning numbers wednesday were 3, 13, 19, 32, 42 and 45. The Bonus number was 47. 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Ca letters to the editor letters free press. My. Ca publisher Bob Cox 697 7547 directors editor Margo Goodhand 697 7234 director of sales and marketing Laurie Finley 697 7164 privacy policy and questions Winnipeg repress. Com. Info policy inside Canada Post sales agreement no. 0563595 recycled newsprint is used in the production of the newspaper. Please Recycle. In the Doug House Doug Speirs Denise Pike / the Canadian press it a snot kidney stones it was a baby Juanita Stead poses with her family Newborn baby Nicholas two and a half year old son Cameron and husband Terry in a Carbonear n. L., Hospital on new years Day. Stead was rushed to Hospital on new years eve for what she thought was a kidney Stone but doctors gave her a much different diagnosis she was pregnant and in labour. The port de grave n. L., resident says her periods never stopped she did not have morning sickness and did not put on any extra weight during the pregnancy. George w. Bush running out of chances to Dodge shoes a 02_ Jan 08 09. Ind a2 1/ 7/ 09 10 39 34 pm ;