Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - July 24, 2013, Winnipeg, Manitoba C M Y K PAGE A2 A 2 WEDNESDAY, JULY 24, 2013 winnipegfreepress. com European models shown. Features and equipment may vary in Canada. */** Lease and finance offers based on any new 2013 BMW 3 Series model available only through BMW Financial Services Canada on approved credit ( OAC). * Lease example based on selling price includes MSRP ($ 39,900) and freight and PDI ($ 2,095) of a new 2013 320i xDrive All- Wheel Drive Sedan base model: $ 41,995 for 48 months at 1.9% APR. Monthly payment is $ 320 with $ 8,298 down payment or equivalent trade. A/ C surcharge ($ 100), PPSA registration fee ($ 22.76), tire levy ($ 53), administration fees ( up to $ 399), taxes, and licence fee are extra and due on signing. First month's lease payment and security deposit of at least one month's payment due at lease inception. The residual value of the vehicle at end of term is $ 20,349. Annual kilometres limited to 16,000; $ 0.15 per excess kilometre. Excess wear- and- tear charges may apply. ** Finance example: $ 40,000 financed at 1.9% APR for 48 months with $ 0 down payment equals a monthly payment of $ 866. Total cost of credit is $ 1,568. Total obligation is $ 41,568. Options, licence, registration, and applicable taxes are extra and due on signing. ? Delivery credit of up to $ 2,500 applies to lease, finance, and cash purchase transactions on select new 2013 BMW 3 Series models. ?? Actual monthly payment will be calculated based on purchase price after payment credit is applied. Retailers are free to set individual prices and charge administration fees, which may change the APR or the price of the vehicle. Offer expires July 27, 2013. Delivery must be taken by August 12, 2013. Offer requires Retailer participation. Offer is subject to availability and may be cancelled or changed without notice. Certain conditions apply. See your local BMW Retailer or bmw. ca for full details. � New 2013 BMW vehicles purchased from an authorized BMW Retailer in Canada are covered by a No- Charge Scheduled Maintenance plan for four years or 80,000 km, whichever comes first. Certain limitations apply. Contact your BMW Retailer for details. � 2013 BMW Canada Inc. " BMW", the BMW logo, BMW model designations and all other BMW related marks, images and symbols are the exclusive properties and/ or trademarks of BMW AG, used under licence. GOOD OFFERS COME IN THREES. SALES EVENTENDS JULY27. Enjoy great rates and a 3- Month Payment Credit on any 2013 BMW 3 Series Sedan, Coup�, or Cabriolet. Hurry, this sales event only lasts from July 25 - July 27. Visit Birchwood BMW and drive home the legendary 3 Series. 2013 BMW 3 Series Coup� shown. 2013 BMW 3 Series Sedan shown. 2013 BMW 3 Series Cabriolet shown. 2013 BMW 3 Series Models 3 MONTH PAYMENT CREDIT ?? NO- CHARGE SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE 4 Year / 80,000 km � $ 2 , 500 LEASE RATE* FROM DELIVERY CREDIT ? UP TO 1 . 9 % APR 48 MONTHS JULY 25 - 27 ONLY Credit equal to 3 monthly payments will be deducted from purchase price of the vehicle. Maximum Payment Credit: $ 2,100. FINANCE RATE** FROM 1 . 9 % APR 48 MONTHS Birchwood BMW 45- 3965 Portage Ave 204- 452- 7799 www. birchwoodbmw. ca BMW The Ultimate birchwoodbmw. ca Driving Experience. � 3 DAYS ONLY THURS, FRI, SAT ANY2013 BMW 3 SERIES 3 LEASE PAYMENTCREDITOR 6 BI- WEEKLYFINANCE PAYMENTCREDIT . TODAY ON WINNIPEGFREEPRESS. COM POLL: What name should William and Catherine give to their royal baby? �� VIDEO: Fringe Live in the Caf� CONTACT US: Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Avenue Winnipeg, Manitoba, R2X 3B6 SWITCHBOARD 204- 697- 7000 PUBLISHER Bob Cox 204- 697- 7547 Editor Paul Samyn 204- 697- 7234 V. 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To: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge From: A helpful Canadian father Re: Raising a royal baby Dear Your Lordship and Ladyship: Hearty Canadian congratulations on giving birth to a healthy eight- pound, six- ounce bouncing baby prince. On behalf of all of Canada, and from the bottom of my heart, let me just say this: What the ( bad word) were you thinking? Seriously, Your Highnesses, as a seasoned parent, I can only assume, after reviewing all the options, you decided you do not need to sleep for at least the next 20 years. I do not wish to boast, but I am something of an expert in the general area of raising babies because, with a certain amount of help from my wife, I have raised two of them and I am proud to inform you they both still have all of their limbs, zero tattoos and neither has spent any time in prison I am currently aware of. Given that you have decided to take the royal plunge into parenthood at a time when I have a few minutes to spare, I am more than happy to share my vast storehouse of fatherly knowledge to help you survive the modern parenting process. As a military man, Prince William, you will understand when I say raising a child can be extremely hazardous. Like running through a minefield or taking a trip on Air Canada, it helps to have an experienced tour guide to get you safely to your destination. For starters, Your Graces, I was not joking when I suggested you might have to do without sleep for the next couple of decades. This is because, based on my experience, babies do a lot of crying. A standard baby will cry in the following specific situations: 1) When it is daytime; 2) When it is nighttime; 3 ) When it is hungry; 4) When it is wet; 5) When it is third and goal and the Bombers still can't push the ( bad word) ball into the end zone. I am guessing you are very proud today because the world was swept off its collective feet at the first glimpse of your newborn. This makes absolutely no sense. I can tell you first- hand ALL babies look exactly the same, by which I mean they are small bundles of wrinkles and resemble miniature versions of the Michelin Man, or Shar- Pei puppies. The world is also on pins and needles waiting to learn the name of the new princeling - The odds- on favourite among London bookmakers is " George" - but this makes even less sense. Take it from a veteran parent, no matter what you name your baby, it is not going to come when you call it. In that respect, babies are an awful lot like dogs, especially my dogs. They also share the trait - do not read to the end of this sentence if you are feeling queasy - of spending the majority of their time pooping. That is the unvarnished truth. According to baby experts such as my wife, you can tell a lot about the health of your baby by staring intently into... well, I think you catch the thrust of my parenting gist here. The point is, you have a lot to look forward to. Fortunately, what with being incredibly wealthy, you have the option of hiring a fleet of professionally trained nannies to help care for the newest member of the Royal Family. This might be a good idea for a brief period of time - for example, until the baby has finished his second year at Cambridge or Oxford. The other thing you need to know - and by " you" I mean " Prince William" - is babies can be very slippery, especially if someone slathers them with baby oil and doesn't mention it to you. I am not saying I personally dropped my son on his head when he was an infant; I'm just saying wearing a pair of rubber kitchen or fishing gloves at bath time would not be such a bad idea. As rookie parents, you will also be expected to entertain and amuse your baby, especially when you are travelling on a crowded royal airplane and the young prince is shrieking at a decibel level that can shatter the windows in Buckingham Palace. Forget buying the most expensive hightech baby toys. Babies have utter disdain for modern gadgets like that. What babies find hilarious - trust me, they can watch this for hour after hour - is when you, or possibly some servant who has displeased you, dangles their car keys in front of their tiny faces. In the world of babies, this is a guaranteed showstopper. In conclusion, I'd like to assure you, even though you will doubtless make a number of common parenting mistakes, your little prince will definitely grow up to become a typical teenager. After that, with any luck, he may eventually become a human being. Yours with little sleep and lots of black coffee, Doug " Dad" Speirs P. S. There's a tiny bit of royal throw- up on your shoulder Advice for the new royal parents In the Doug House Doug Speirs ROYAL BABY INTRODUCED A5 DEATHS LOTTERIES A_ 02_ Jul- 24- 13_ FP_ 01. indd A2 7/ 23/ 13 9: 33: 25 PM ;