Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - February 19, 2014, Winnipeg, Manitoba C M Y K PAGE A2 2014 ST# 434147 MAZDA 3 GX SPORT $ 129 BI- WEEKLY LEASE 2013 ST# 433444 MAZDA 3 GX SPORT 4 TO CHOOSE FROM $ 15,595 .00 $ 21,547 15,595 .00 2014 ST# 434037 MAZDA CX5 GX $ 167 BI- WEEKLY LEASE $ 14,499 .00 $ 20,452 14,499 .00 2013 ST# 434183 MAZDA 3 GX SEDAN 2014 ST# 433486 LAST ONE MAZDA 3 GX SEDAN $ 122 BI- WEEKLY LEASE Representative purchase finance example for 2013 Mazda 3 GX Sedan 5 Speed Conv. Pack D4XS53 AC00/ 2014 Mazda CX5 GX/ 2014 Mazda 6 at 0%/ 2.99%/ 3.49% for 84 months. Equal payments of $ 99.00/$ 153.00/$ 172.71 BI Weekly. Cost of borrowing is $ 0.00. All Payments and cash prices reflect $ 0.00 down, and are all plus FRT/ PDI/ Levies and Taxes. MAZDA 3690 Portage Avenue Just East of the Perimeter 204- 885- 2623 CrownMazda. ca TheDilawriGroup. ca R I S K - F R E E C A R B U Y I N G . . . W E G U A R A N T E E I T ! 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Advertising@ freepress. mb. ca EDITORIAL Newsroom 204- 697- 7301 News tip 204- 697- 7292 Fax 204- 697- 7412 Photo desk 204- 697- 7304 Sports desk 204- 697- 7285 Business news 204- 697- 7301 PHOTO REPRINTS - 204- 697- 7063 City desk / City. desk@ freepress. mb. ca Letters to the editor / Letters@ freepress. mb. ca THE NEW REALITY WFP SCAN PAGE WFP WFP SCAN TO SEE VIDEO WATCH: Amphibex back in action HOW TO USE BLIPPAR 1 2 3 Download the free BLIPPAR app from Apple or the Google play store. When you see the WFP Blippar icon, scan the page with Blippar. Enjoy BONUS content on your mobile phone or tablet. WATCH . HOW- TO VIDEO READER SERVICE / GENERAL INQUIRIES 204- 697- 7000 A 2 WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2014 winnipegfreepress. com I ' M one of those fussy writers who finds it impossible to work when it's too quiet. Fortunately, that's not a big problem when I'm working out of the home office, which consists of an aging computer that becomes hot enough to cook on if you leave it plugged in too long, myself and our two dogs - both of whom have the same hobby, namely barking at invisible things outside our living room window. The dogs, who are barely larger than loaves of bread, spend most of their day with their drooling little faces pressed up against the window, barking non- stop in a high- pitched yap that can easily bore through the steel plates on a battleship, to say nothing of the damage it can cause to an unprotected human brain. Anyway, to ensure our dogs have enough things to bark at while I'm trying to write, my wife, She Who Must Not Be Named, will sometimes hires highly trained tradespeople to physically come to our home and try to fix things we keep inside of it. For instance, last week, my wife hired a plumber to come to our house and repair a toilet that, in my view, worked perfectly fine other than it couldn't flush anything more substantial than a toothpick and took at least a week to refill its tank. Right now, you veteran homeowners are laughing yourselves silly, because you know, deep in your hearts, it is impossible to fix a modern toilet. Toilets are a lot like those discounted diesel- electric submarines Canada bought from the British in the sense that, if anything goes wrong with them - such as catching fire, which you would think is impossible, but apparently is not - the repair bill will be at least 10 times what you paid for the submarine in the first place and it will still be unable to launch a torpedo or flush anything larger than a marshmallow, if you catch our drift. The thing is, even though plumbers know it is impossible to fix a broken toilet, they still spend a great deal of time frowning at them, because they know this makes homeowners nervous. When the plumber arrived at our house, the dogs immediately began yapping at his ankles to convey the concept that BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK he was going to charge us a lot more money than we could afford. It turns out the dogs were right. " This toilet can't be saved," is what the plumber advised us in the tone of voice you would use to tell someone their house had been destroyed by a meteor. " The guts have rotted away. I'm going to have to replace it." Which meant I personally was expected to leave the house and go to a store that sells toilets and pick out a commode that would match our stylish bathroom decor, which is not something, as a guy, I am qualified to do. " That's not the right shade," my wife complained when we pulled the new toilet out of the cardboard box, which the dogs immediately began barking at because, as you have already deduced, the box was evil. " It's beige," I grunted in reply. " I was hoping for California Sunset, possibly Aloha Aquamarine or Yankee Doodle Dandelion," my wife sniffed, visibly upset to be married to someone with such a sub- par colour palette. With the dogs shrieking helpful suggestions from the sidelines, the plumber managed to install the new state- of- the- art toilet, then began frowning at our leaky tap. It is a known scientific fact the longer a plumber frowns at your fixtures, the more it is going to cost you to fix them. That is a joke, of course. Like toilets and submarines, bathroom taps can't be fixed because - and prepare to slap yourself on the forehead for being so incompetent - they no longer make replacement parts for the model you bought. It turned out that, even though just one tap was leaking, we had to replace BOTH taps in the bathroom, because otherwise - prepare for another shock - we would have been left with mismatched taps and the plumber would have been forced to alert the Home and Garden Police, who would immediately have thrown my wife into Interior Decorating Prison, where she would have been forced to engage in morally objectionable acts, such as drying her hands on the guest towels. So we now have a swell new toilet and two new taps and a new shower and, as soon the invoice arrives, we will also have a plumbing bill the size of the national debt of Bolivia. Which will make the dogs happy, because it will give them a chance to BARK BARK BARK at the mailman, which is fine with me because I know they're just trying to help me write. doug. speirs@ freepress. mb. ca Blippar to his biweekly fun in the sun, in the rain, in the snow.... even in the tub! DON'T MISS THE FREE PRESS FUNNY MAN DOUG SPEIRS' 1. Download the Blippar app for free from Apple's App Store or Android's Google Play Store to your mobile phone or tablet 2. When you are reading the paper and you see the WFP Bonus icon ( left) launch the app and scan the page 3. Enjoy deeper, updated, bonus content SCAN PAGE TO SEE VIDEO WACKY WEATHER VIDEO Business B 5 City B 1 Classified C 8 Comics D 6 Diversions D 7 Editorials A 7 Horoscope D 4 Jumble C 8 Letters to the Editor A 6 Miss Lonelyhearts D 4 Movies D 2 Sports C 1 TV D 4 Weather D 8 . OBITUARIES C 6 In the event of a discrepancy between this list and the official winning numbers, the latter shall prevail. PICK 3 Tuesday's winning number was 450. EXTRA Tuesday's winning number was 5003421. INSIDE LOTTERIES Of pups and plumbing, the never- ending saga Nothing would ever get done without incessant barking In the Doug House Doug Speirs A_ 02_ Feb- 19- 14_ FP_ 01. indd A2 2/ 18/ 14 10: 13: 36 PM ;