Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - January 24, 2015, Winnipeg, Manitoba C M Y K PAGE A17 D O you know what's funny? Seriously, do you know what's laugh- out- loud, sidesplittingly, makes- you- want- to- wet- yourself hilarious? Well, if you do, maybe you could tell me, because apparently I don't have a clue. That was the main lesson I learned Friday morning when I " auditioned" for my buddy Big Daddy Tazz, one of Canada's most popular standup comedians, to see if he wanted to insert me in the lineup of his big fundraising comedy gala Saturday night. If you think you can handle the pain, you can watch me trying to tell Tazz a couple of my favourite bons mots right now by using the Blippar app to scan this page with your smartphone, or by visiting winnipegfreepress. com to check out our latest weekend weather video. Along with my comedy sidekick, Creepy Santa, we shot the video at the Pantages Playhouse, where tonight my buddy will be hosting the 14th annual A Night With Big Daddy Tazz & Friends in support of the Children's Rehabilitation Foundation. Speaking of not being funny, we need to take a moment here to talk about our weather, which I would characterize as sloppy, slushy, slimy, mucky, oozy, grimy and, potentially, cruddy. If you enjoy running your car through the car wash every 15 minutes, I have some excellent news. According to the folks at Environment Canada, we are looking at another spate of above- normal temperatures. The weather office says we can expect cloudy skies today with a pleasant high of - 3 C, which is well above the normal high of - 12 C at this time of year. We'll also be looking at a 60 per cent chance of flurries in the morning, followed by more snow, along with a 60 per cent chance of more flurries in the evening. The outlook for Sunday calls for a mix of sun and cloud and a high of - 7 C, but the mercury will skyrocket to a tropical high of 1 C on Monday followed by a high of 0 C on Tuesday, so make sure to top up your windshield- wiper fluid. Anyway, even if I am not going to be in the lineup tonight, you are definitely going to want to snap up some tickets for Big Daddy Tazz's comedy fundraiser at the Pantages Playhouse. Doors open at 6: 30 p. m. and the show starts at 7: 30 p. m. Fortunately, you will not be exposed to my comedic stylings ( Sample joke: " Two peanuts were walking down the road, and one of them was... A SALTED!"). Instead, Tazz has pulled together a hilarious lineup featuring comedians Tim Nutt, Dean Jenkinson, Erica Sigurdson and Dan Verville, along with music from Sheena Grobb and Sperry Squared. " It's an evening of comedy, music and feeling good about who we are," my buddy said of the event, which is raising funds to buy specialized equipment for Manitoba kids living with disabilities and special needs. " For $ 30, you can help change the life of a child," he told me. " There's something special about giving a child mobility so they can be a child. Everybody deserves to enjoy their childhood. " The money can help buy iPads so a child might be able to say ' I love you' to his mom for the first time. Every time you turn on the TV, something is wrong, and now we can have a feel- good story and create laughter. A child's laughter is the best antidepressant in the world!" Tickets are just $ 30 at the door or at the Children's Rehabilitation Foundation, 611 Wellington Cres., or by calling 204- 477- 4587. For those of you who don't like laughing - and I'm talking to both of you - slide down to The Forks to take advantage of some of the free Winter Adventure Programming on Sunday, including horse- drawn wagon rides ( 1: 30- 4: 30 p. m.); aboriginal programming inside traditional teepees ( 1: 30- 3: 30 p. m.); and snowboard instruction ( 1: 30- 3: 30 p. m.) from a certified instructor. Also, Uncle Doug will be a wee bit disappointed if you don't take a moment to read Address to a Haggis , the most famous poem written by Robbie Burns, the legendary Scottish poet whose birthday we are celebrating Sunday, even though he is currently dead. Sunday is the sacred day when Scottish persons around the world dress in kilts, recite Burns' poems and voluntarily eat haggis, which looks like a mutant garden slug but is, in fact, a " pudding" made from the nasty things you find inside a sheep mixed with onions and oatmeal and stuffed in a sheep's stomach, then boiled. Yum! There are a lot of Burns Suppers taking place in Winnipeg over the next little while, including one Sunday at 6: 30 p. m. at the Holiday Inn Winnipeg South, 1330 Pembina Highway. Tickets are $ 62.50. The Transcona and District Pipe Band is holding its supper on Saturday, Jan. 31, at the All Saints Hall, 1500 Day St. Tickets are $ 20. Call Dave at 204- 224- 0455. All joking aside, we should get together and taste some haggis. Being a polite Scottish person, I'll let you go first. Hae a stoatin weekend, Winnipeg! doug. speirs@ freepress. mb. ca winnipegfreepress. com WINNIPEG WINNIPEG FREE PRESS, SATURDAY, JANUARY 24, 2015 A 17 WATERFIGHT VIDEO AT - 40 The whole story... AND MORE Use Blippar. There's more to the story above embedded in this page. YOUR WEEKEND weather With Doug Speirs SCAN PAGE TO SEE THE VIDEO PHIL HOSSACK / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS A cross- country skier makes his way across the meadow at Assiniboine Park Friday evening with a beautiful sunset lighting his way. Doug's standup routine didn't make the cut for this weekend's comic fundraiser, even with the addition of his hilarious sidekick, Creepy Santa. A_ 17_ Jan- 24- 15_ FP_ 01. indd A17 1/ 23/ 15 7: 45: 10 PM ;