Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - December 22, 2020, Winnipeg, Manitoba C M Y K PAGE A7 THINK TANK PERSPECTIVES EDITOR: BRAD OSWALD 204-697-7269 ? BRAD.OSWALD@FREEPRESS.MB.CA ? WINNIPEGFREEPRESS.COM A7 TUESDAY DECEMBER 22, 2020 Ideas, Issues, Insights MIKAELA MACKENZIE / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS Sheldon Kennedy says abuse is not just a hockey issue; it's a community issue, and we all must do better. To know better is to do better A FTER reading "A Stain on our Game" by Jeff Hamilton, I felt that I needed and wanted to share my views on the six-part article. I feel strongly that this story has critical teachings in it from which we all can learn. What really hit close to home for me, again, was Jay Macaulay. I saw myself and so many oth- ers who have suffered significant trauma in their lives in Jay. I was there, and I was there for a long time, and it's brutal. The important part, which I know now, is that there is a way out, and the op- portunity to get your power and your life back. Jay, you are not alone with your feelings; with hard work and continued commitment, recovery is possible for all of us. Piecing this story together was so important, as it allows us to really understand the magnitude of how one pedophile can destroy the lives of so many victims. It also reveals how many knew and said nothing, and how there were countless missed opportunities to have stopped it. (And for clarification, throughout the series interviewees refer to Graham James as being "gay." That is not accurate; he is a sexual predator, and the two terms should not be confused.) The impact on our youth is undeniable. The research tells us that, and unfortunately, I have come to know this all too well: . kids who are abused are 26 times more likely to experience youth homelessness; . kids who are abused have a 30 per cent higher high school drop-out rate; . 70 to 80 per cent of sexual abuse survivors report excessive drug and alcohol use; . children who have been abused are 59 per cent more likely to be arrested as a juvenile; . people who have suffered abuse are 15 times more likely to attempt suicide; . 70 per cent of all mental health issues are linked to early childhood trauma. I didn't come away with the feeling that these articles were written to finger-point or blame; to me, this series presents yet another opportunity to reflect, learn and improve. It's also crystal clear this is not just a hockey issue but a commu- nity issue, and we all have a personal responsibil- ity to be better. Graham James took advantage of our col- lective ignorance and indifference, plain and simple. That's why education is the best defence to empower the bystander. I remember the common responses when my story broke: "This is an iso- lated case... and it's a hockey issue." Neither is true. All this said, upon reflection, I do know that sport organizations have taken some bold steps forward over the last 20-plus years. It should be acknowledged that Hockey Canada was the first organization in this country, and perhaps the world, to introduce mandatory training for all coaches specific to the prevention of bullying, abuse, harassment and discrimination. Sport Manitoba was the first provincial sport organization to mandate education for all coaches in the province in all sports. Through my involve- ment with these initiatives, I realize just how bold those decisions were in the face of denial. It also very apparent to me that because of hockey's position and stature in our country, we need it to set an even greater example for others to follow. That is a very influential leadership position to be in. At this point, I'd like to thank all the investiga- tors who took on these cases and believed in us and fought for the truth. In my case, Det. Brian Bell - you saved my life. I also want to acknowledge all the survivors in this story and beyond - your courage and honesty further inspires me. And to my family and friends: I know the impact on you has been significant. I want to thank Darren McLean and Rick Girard, two young players who, showing cour- age and maturity beyond their years, fought to remove Graham James as a coach to protect current and future players. Thanks also to Dr. Gretchen Kerr and Dr. Sandra Kirby for their continued research that validates that these is- sues are real and widespread. Thank you for every voice in this story. It was very important, and I heard every one, whether I wanted to or not. It further drove home the need to put our focus on the 98 per cent of people who are good, and give them tools and confidence to be better. Stories like these take courage and great dili- gence. I am grateful for the commitment shown by Jeff Hamilton, the Winnipeg Free Press and all those involved. Reading this has helped me greatly, and I thank you for that. There are, however, still two questions I would like answered: is Ed Chynoweth a suitable member of the Hockey Hall of Fame? And is it ap- propriate to have his name attached to the WHL Championship? To know better is to do better. Sheldon Kennedy has spent the last 24 years advocating for child protection and has influenced social change in a profound way. He has received extensive recognition for this work, including the Order of Manitoba, the Alberta Order of Excellence and the Order of Canada. Sheldon is the co-founder of Respect Group, a company aimed at empowering people in sport, schools and the workplace to recognize and prevent bullying, abuse, harassment and discrimination. Where is the outrage? FOR days now, I have been poring through the incredible work of Jeff Hamilton's "A Stain on Our Game: The Life and Destructive Legacy of Graham James." This painful chronicle of the path of destruction left by convicted sex offender Graham James has left me wrestling with the same question that has been on my mind for the last 20 years: Where is the outrage? It has always astounded me how blind and numb we can be. Child sexual abuse is a very real and significant problem in our society today, and yet it takes tragic stories like this to raise this into the public consciousness and generate discus- sion. It takes the victims of these horrors coming forward and exposing their pain and suffering in order for us to pay attention. How long will they keep our attention this time? It's comfortable and convenient to just move on and ignore the travesties that take place in secrecy. This is not a hockey problem. This a societal problem. Child sexual abuse makes us uncomfortable, so we don't give it the sustained focus it demands. We really can't afford to keep hiding from it. I feel the need to say to all these survivors - those named, and the many thousands not yet identified - that I am so sorry so many people let you down. What you have lived through, what you are living through, should never have happened. You deserved so much better. You should have been protected and respected, and you had a right to be safe. The vast majority of child abuse survivors suf- fer silently. We never hear their stories, nor do we take the time and effort to understand their pain. They have already been failed and have had their sense of trust stolen, so why would they feel safe enough to share their trauma with us? It's truly remarkable when individuals like Sheldon Kennedy, Theoren Fleury, and Jay Ma- cauley find a voice to speak out and advocate, and hopefully find some healing through this process. But make no mistake, these boys, and every other child survivor out there, really owe us nothing. We failed them. So when survivors do choose to come forward, share their story, report to police and pursue justice - well, to me, that's incredible. We need to ensure that when they take this step and show unimaginable courage, our response cannot be so underwhelming. Very few victims of child sexual abuse ever see the inside of a courtroom. And while there are remarkable people working in the myriad systems available to victims, there really is very little in the way of a safety net or a way to ensure they will get what they need to move forward. They deserve all our support and care. In Manitoba, there are more than 4,000 child abuse investigations every year. That's a terrify- ing number, given that most abuse goes unreport- ed. Child sexual abuse is too often debilitating and incredibly silencing. Jay's heroic willingness to share his story provides us with a window into the life of so many survivors. His life has been wrought with struggle, and yet he has managed to survive. He has been angry and he has been masking his pain in whatever way he could. He found ways to cope, on his own. Graham James robbed so many of the child- hoods that they were entitled to, and left lifelong wounds that may never heal completely. But for James, the consequence is that he serves a few years in jail and then moves on. How is that just? What value do we place on a child's life and in- nocence? It prompts the question: if we, as a community, don't stand up for children, have we not failed? I am amazed sometimes at our priorities. In many cases, we see more significant punishments for property offences than we do for the violation of a child's body. At a time in our history when indi- viduals have access to an unprecedented number of ways to have their voices heard on any issue, we are silent when it comes to child sexual abuse. At a time when we analyze every move that anyone in the public eye makes and we seemingly become outraged at just about everything, we are silent on this issue. Where is the outrage when it comes to adults sexually violating our children and youth? Really. Where is it? I wish I could say we are better than the com- munity that turned a blind eye and failed Sheldon, Theoren, and Jay. But the truth is that, at a time when we have decided everything is our business, we have blinders on when it comes to abuse. We are reluctant to intervene or speak up. We don't challenge adult behaviour. Let's face it: most of us are not going to encoun- ter a blatant sexual assault. Offenders are too good at hiding that. But there is so much that we do see: odd behaviour, broken boundaries, lines crossed. It's time for us to speak up. There is no more important job for any of us. Protecting our young people is a community responsibility. We all need to find a voice and take action to prevent child sexual abuse, because this is a problem that is not going away. We must inter- vene when we have concerns, and when we know a child has been hurt, it is our job as a community to come together and ensure their every need is met. We must do all that we can to give them their childhood back. Children are unbelievably resil- ient; if we choose to invest in them, great things can happen. And we can deal with this now. We can do bet- ter. We can commit to doing all we can to ensure every child has a safe childhood, free of abuse. Either that, or we can go on trying to repair shat- tered children in adult bodies, who are struggling to make sense of why we didn't care enough to say or do something when we had the chance. Christy Dzikowicz is the executive director at Snowflake Place, Mani- toba's only child advocacy centre. She has worked in child maltreat- ment for more than 25 years and is leading some transformation initiatives tied to child abuse response in our province. SHELDON KENNEDY CHRISTY DZIKOWICZ A_07_Dec-22-20_FP_01.indd A7 2020-12-21 4:14 PM ;