Winnipeg Free Press

Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - April 9, 2024, Winnipeg, Manitoba WINNIPEGFREEPRESS.COM ● C3 TUESDAY, APRIL 9, 2024 My dying wife hoped to inspire people with her essay. They ended up inspiring her Live your life, not your career T HE letters began arriving months ago at our house and in our inboxes. By my count there are more than 500 of them, and that’s just from strangers. People were writing to my wife, Amy Ettinger, who died last month at age 49. Not everyone has moments of clarity when they find out they are dying. My wife did. Her aggressive cancer had win- nowed her body, and her strength was so limited that she dictated the essay to me in a sunlit, glass-lined reading room at the University of California at Santa Cruz rather than typing it out herself. As we overlooked a redwood forest, Amy had no way of predicting that the lines she composed on the spot would be calls to action for readers from all over the United States, as well as Cana- da, Poland, France and Greece. She was flooded with responses to her essay, which essentially asked: What would your life look like if you cared much less about what other peo- ple think of you? Could life be “a series of moments,” and not the endless pursuit of stabil- ity over bliss, or working for some long-delayed dream of post-retirement fulfilment? Amy had a history of embracing creative risk and adventure, and wrote how putting friends and family first al- lowed her to face her terminal cancer diagnosis with a deep gratitude for the life she loved. “Lasting love is about finding some- one who will show up for you,” Amy wrote. And also: “I’ve always tried to say yes to the voice that tells me I should go out and do something now, even when that decision seems wildly im- practical.” Her essay touched people near and very far, and for reasons that sur- prised us, strangers wanted to connect with her before she died. They wanted to share their own stories and grati- tude with her. It offered her a comfort she did not know she needed. Here are some of the ones that moved her the most. “I live in a small town in Idaho that is full of hate, and after reading your story, I need to sell and move!” one message read. Another reader wrote that he felt trapped on a corporate career ladder and was feeling anxious, which was stressing his mental health and close relationships. “I have 10 chapters of a weird and wonderful novel and haven’t done any- thing with that in months even though it would probably only take a few solid weeks to finish writing it,” he wrote. “I will carry a tiny piece of your intrepid creative spirit with me as I rearrange my priorities in honour of remem- bering what’s truly important in life (which … isn’t corporate America).” For one Los Angeles-based reader, Amy’s column was the tipping point that made him go ahead and book an endlessly postponed trip and reunion with loved ones. “You helped me to realize I have said no to too many life-affirming mem- ories, even as our family has experi- enced a lot of loss over the years,” the reader said. “I am going to let my wife, daughter and son know that I will take that trip to Kastoria, Greece, home of their paternal ancestors, most of whom were taken to the camps during the Second World War. We will spend won- derful family time in a beautiful place and thank our family who came before us for their sacrifices. And I will think of you and say a prayer and send my eternal gratitude.” Other readers spoke of lives crammed with tedious complications, from high-maintenance people to use- less possessions. One such reader thanked Amy for “really driving home (the) message to stop faffing around with crap that doesn’t matter and make the most of whatever time I have left. During the past few years of loss, dislocation, and general global craziness, I’ve forgotten this and come pretty close to giving up on writing, yes, but more than that, on living. Sure, I drag through the motions for the sake of the people I love, but in a way that thumbs a nose at the monumental gift that life truly is. Your story and, again, your utmost humanity in sharing it have flipped a switch in me, and for that, I sincerely and ardently thank you.” Some readers said the essay helped them realize that moments of joy and repose can lead to resilience in the midst of suffering. If Amy was dealing with Stage 4 cancer and could find so much light in her life, what was their excuse, anyway? “Oh, how I cried and cried,” one reader said about reading Amy’s essay. “I then printed it out and placed it in my Bible. It’ll stay there so when I’m ready to give up on life again, I’ll read it and keep going.” But the message that touched Amy beyond the others came from someone she knew, journalist Dania Akkad, who remembered an intervention Amy made on her behalf while working as a reporter for a California newspaper in the early 2000s. Akkad was an intern at the paper. “We had a writing coach visit that summer,” Akkad recalled. “Long story short, you overheard me in the bathroom saying he’d made a pass at me when I had a meeting to discuss my reporting career (well, at least that’s what I thought it was!). You came out of the bathroom stall and you said if I didn’t report this to management, you would.” “It all felt so embarrassing and awkward and, well, my fault!” Akkad wrote. “Anyway, I did go to manage - ment largely because you put the pressure on. However many years later, I am so glad to have done that — and so grateful you interceded in that moment. It’s a fork-in-the-road event that has informed how I respond to this kind of crap. A real teaching moment. So thank you so very much. And thank you too for writing so lucidly about your experience now.” Not all the notes were that lovely. Inevitably, a few were unwelcome, including missives from ultrareligious people wanting my proudly Jewish wife to get saved to spare herself from hellfire. And she smiled at the messag- es promoting quack remedies. The many grateful responses prove that even now, in this era of online trolls and fake feedback generated by bots, engaged and thoughtful people really can make a difference by reach- ing out, human to human. She carried this with her in her final weeks as she’d sit with me watching a great blue heron circling the sky over Santa Cruz Harbor. Or pulling up her favourite chair and watching the skateboarders, dog walkers and street basketball players on the other side of her picture window. In this way, she embodied the spirit of her words. “I have never had a bucket list,” she wrote. “Instead, I said yes to life.” Dan White is the author of Under The Stars: How America Fell In Love With Camping and The Cactus Eaters: How I Lost My Mind And Almost Found Myself On The Pacific Crest Trail. His website is www. danwhitebooks.com. — The Washington Post DAN WHITE DAN WHITE PHOTO Amy Ettinger, with her husband Dan White, wrote before she died that she never had a bucket list; instead she chose to say yes to life. ARTS ● LIFE I LIFESTYLES Kidney cancer in kids rare, treatable WHILE kidney cancer is rare in children, Wilms tumour is the most common type found in kids, with be- tween 500 and 600 children diagnosed annually in the U.S. The disease most often affects kids ages three to four. Thanks to advances in treatments over the past several decades, surviv- al rates from this rare cancer have improved significantly. Developing a treatment plan customized for each child with Wilms tumour has also helped to improve the prognosis for children with this disease. “Every Wilms tumour is different — in size, lo- cation, complexity, and whether it has spread to other organs,” says Stephanie Polites, M.D., a Mayo Clinic pediatric surgeon. “Having a multidisciplinary team of health-care professionals who can develop an individualized care plan for each child is key.” Here’s what families should know about treatment for this rare childhood cancer: A team approach is best At Mayo Clinic, treatment for Wilms tumour is planned by a team of health- care professionals from multiple specialties. “From the moment a child is diagnosed with a kidney tumour, our team meets to discuss the plan of attack,” says Candace Granberg, M.D., a Mayo Clinic pediatric urologist. Dr. Granberg is part of the pediat- ric solid tumour team at Mayo Clinic, which includes: ● Pediatric oncologists: Doctors who specialize in treating children and young adults who have cancer. ● Radiation oncologists: Doctors who specialize in treating cancer with radiation therapy. ● Pediatric radiologists: Doctors who specialize in using imaging tech- nology in children. ● Pediatric surgeons ● Pediatric urologists: Doctors who specialize in treating problems in urinary tracts. This team meets to review the needs of each child with Wilms tumour and determines the first step for treatment. “We co-ordinate care to streamline appointments and procedures to min- imize the frequency of trips families must take,” says Dr. Granberg. Surgeons need expertise in complex procedures Treatment for Wilms tumour may begin with surgery to remove all or part of a kidney. At Mayo Clinic, pediatric radiologists construct life- size, anatomic 3D models of the Wilms tumour and surrounding structures to help with surgical planning. This approach is useful in challenging circumstances, such as removing only the part of the kidney containing the tumour (partial nephrectomy) or removing multiple tumours from one kidney. Treatment often involves the sur- gical removal of the entire kidney and nearby lymph nodes through an incision in the abdomen. Sometimes, a tumour will extend into major blood vessels, and the approach requires the assistance of vascular surgeons who specialize in treating circulatory system diseases. Chemotherapy can be used before surgery to shrink tumours and make them easier to remove. After surgery, it can kill cancer cells left in the body. Chemotherapy may also be an option for children whose cancers are too far along to be removed completely with surgery. New technology and research contin- ue to improve treatment. Radiation therapy may also be used to treat Wilms tumour. Radiation therapy most often uses X-rays to beam intense energy to kill cancer cells. Proton beam therapy, another important advancement in caring for children with Wilms tumour and other childhood cancers, may also be used. This highly targeted precision beam therapy destroys cancer while sparing healthy tissue, an important consider- ing for growing children. Research on Wilms tumour is ongo- ing, and Mayo Clinic researchers are studying new ways to treat this rare cancer. “Though a cure is possible in the majority of cases, we need to do better — we want to cure everyone,” says Dr. Patricio Gargollo, a Mayo Clinic pediatric urologist. — Mayo Clinic News Network MAYO CLINIC STAFF ;